Finding Meaning in Unemployment

So here I sit again in Seattle, this time unemployed, trying to find meaning and peace in my decision to stay in the US instead of pursue work in Asia. In about three and a half hours I will attend a meditation meet-up group, one of my outlets during this uncertain time.

This one tonight follows Sahaja Yoga, which is a little new to me because I'm not exactly the spiritual or religious type -- and often I have to tone down my skepticism or amusement. It's always been that way. But I like the idea of meditation in general, and the people are the kind I like being around. So I'm trying it out.

The meet-up on Thursday happens at somebody's house, and it takes a secular approach with visualization techniques. My favorite technique during that session is the visualization of light. Picture light in your body, and transfer it to somebody who might need it. During the first session I imagined my mother... she was so upset with me, mostly in part because of this marriage I am trying to plan that she highly disapproves of. I imagined this light fill her, and I imagined the creases fade from her brow. I felt tremendous amount of peace at that moment.

Three days ago I was cycling through Bainbridge Island, and I kept imagining what thoughts this blog would keep. Perhaps, I thought, I could contemplate my struggles with self-criticism, feminism, and self-doubt. Perhaps I could write about my relationship with my fiancé, Mitch, as we rediscover who we both are after two years of separation.

Perhaps I could write about my new friendships. There are already four of them through these meet-up groups, and at least four through Mitch. Perhaps I could write about Seattle and its communities, the unspoken segregation I witness among my middle-class friends and people in the southern end of the city. Now that I'm no longer a part of the working middle-class, at least in terms of income, perhaps I could learn something new in this city that I love.

Right now I'm applying for jobs and volunteer positions, and I'm trying to find meaning in this chosen approach to life. I hope in time that I will begin to feel better about my decision, but right now, as I sit here missing Indonesia, missing my friends and work there, I know that I have to write about these things lest I get carried away with myself. I hope that this blog will be an outlet for me to explore these issues, that I'll be able to look back one a day from a wiser position.