Things are starting to pick back up! In the past couple of weeks I have managed to:
- have two interviews with two separate non-profits. Next week I have second-round interviews with the higher-ups in both organizations.
- secure three letters of recommendation for my grad school application. One will come from a dear aerospace professor at ISU, another from my last manager at Boeing, and the last from my supervisor at VIA. I think the unique combination will definitely add a competitive edge to my application.
- get in touch with two professors in the UW program. I am planning to sit in on two classes next week.
- volunteer on a weekly basis with ReWA, where I've also made a possible lifelong friend in a fellow volunteer.
* * *
I hope that all this "hard work" will indeed culminate in:
- a couple of part-time job to pay the bills and increase my exposure and leadership experience in non-profit and public policy work in Seattle.
- an acceptance letter to UW's MPA program. I'm crossing my fingers for scholarships, also.
Thursday, October 30, 2014
Tuesday, October 28, 2014
Job Things
A lot of good things today!
I moved onto to the second round of interviews for the job I've been talking about. I'd make diddly squat, but it sounds like a really good position to be in within the city of Seattle.
I also received a phone call from another job and did a somewhat impromptu interview over the phone. I think it went okay...
Total meditation time today: 10 minutes
I moved onto to the second round of interviews for the job I've been talking about. I'd make diddly squat, but it sounds like a really good position to be in within the city of Seattle.
I also received a phone call from another job and did a somewhat impromptu interview over the phone. I think it went okay...
Total meditation time today: 10 minutes
Friday, October 17, 2014
Jobs and Interviews
I applied for two more jobs today, the first an opening for an ESL Assistant Instructor, and the other a Citizenship Instructor. I hope I get one because I really do like the organization, and I think I could learn a lot from my colleagues there. In any case, it's an organization that I already support through volunteerism, and one I will continue to support whether or not I get the job.
My interview yesterday went pretty well! And while I am trying not to replay/cringe too much, I am trying to reflect and find ways to improve. I think, in some ways, I might be too modest about what I am capable of doing. After I talked to the guy about my time with API Chaya, he asked me if I had strong connections with the international district. For some reason I said, "well, to be honest, not really, because I've been gone for two years," when really I should've emphasized my role with orgs there and how I can definitely network accordingly. Putting this positive spin on things is something I was pretty good at when getting an engineering job... I think I need to have more faith in my abilities in the non-profit sector.
Other than that, I presented myself pretty well, answered questions effectively, and managed to form a decent connection with the recruiter, who is one of three full-time employees at the non-profit -- basically a start-up org. Now I simply have to wait to see if I made it past the first round of interviews. If I pass, I'll then have to face the Director.
Yesterday I also went to the API Chaya meet-up where I met some new people, including a girl named Kaha who graduated from the undergrad Public Administration program at UW. I am hoping that we can become good friends, and that she can provide me with some insight about the professors in the program. Pretty soon I hope to start sitting in on some classes!
My interview yesterday went pretty well! And while I am trying not to replay/cringe too much, I am trying to reflect and find ways to improve. I think, in some ways, I might be too modest about what I am capable of doing. After I talked to the guy about my time with API Chaya, he asked me if I had strong connections with the international district. For some reason I said, "well, to be honest, not really, because I've been gone for two years," when really I should've emphasized my role with orgs there and how I can definitely network accordingly. Putting this positive spin on things is something I was pretty good at when getting an engineering job... I think I need to have more faith in my abilities in the non-profit sector.
Other than that, I presented myself pretty well, answered questions effectively, and managed to form a decent connection with the recruiter, who is one of three full-time employees at the non-profit -- basically a start-up org. Now I simply have to wait to see if I made it past the first round of interviews. If I pass, I'll then have to face the Director.
Yesterday I also went to the API Chaya meet-up where I met some new people, including a girl named Kaha who graduated from the undergrad Public Administration program at UW. I am hoping that we can become good friends, and that she can provide me with some insight about the professors in the program. Pretty soon I hope to start sitting in on some classes!
Thursday, October 16, 2014
Six Things to Be Grateful For
Despite these moments of uncertainty that I have blogging about lately, there is still much to grateful for. I realized this as I was walking over to Green Bean this morning, reflecting on my previous day. I started making a list in my head of what makes me feel fulfilled, and I'd like to write these down to appreciate this moment of clarity and to remind myself that there is more to life than my anxieties.
1) I enjoy truly being myself, doing work that comes naturally, and smiling with people. Yesterday I was teaching the lower-level ESL students at Refugee Women's Alliance, and I found myself laughing with them over the silliest things. I think that I'm really starting to develop a bond with these students (who, by the way, are all 40+ years-old), and I genuinely look forward to Wednesdays for this reason.
2) I've met a lot of genuinely nice people.
- One of my fellow volunteers at ReWA is a middle-aged woman named Kathleen whom I connect with on a very personal level. She has a very diversified career and was doing very well, but then she decided to leave her job, move to Seattle, and is now hoping to find work the social services sector. Unfortunately, the job market has proven more difficult than she anticipated, and she been job-searching for two years. After volunteering yesterday, we had lunch togther at Inay's, a Filipino restaurant, and I watched, stunned, as she scooped a whole spoonful of bagoong (shrimp paste) into her pinakbet (squash+bittermelon stew). When she dropped me off at Uptown Coffee, she said she really enjoys talking with me. "It's nice not to feel invisible."
- At Inay's I also met the cashier, a lovely young Filipina who told me about her hometown of Tacloban, one of the main areas devastated by super typhoon Yolanda last year. She apparently visited her hometown two days after the typhoon. I asked her what it was like, and she described to me how surreal it was to walk down a street and see all these dead bodies along the side of the road.
- I met two amazing people at a Beacon Food Forest meet-up that never actually took place. One of them is a really out-going Asian-American named Jon who knows a lot about permaculture. The other is Gabriela, a really friendly yoga-loving girl from Chile, who is job-searching and trying to start an online furniture business with her friend back home.
- The Thursday meditation sessions have a bunch of lovely regulars, among them a really peace-driven couple who just moved to the area, and a super talkative lady who is about to get married in Hawaii.
3) I can get excited about job interviews for causes I never thought I'd be able to support. In a few hours I will be meeting a guy at a cafe to discuss a non-profit position I applied for about a week ago. It's actually the one I wrote about in this entry. Wish me luck!! I am hoping that it will allow me to network and grow as a leader. I am also hoping it will provide me with the inspiration and clarity I need to write my Statement of Purpose for grad school.
4) I have been learning to live with Mitch again, falling more in love with him every day. There are definitely moments where I become stressed about our future, particularly during those emotional breakdowns. But we both are really trying to communicate openly and stay in tune with one another. There's a lot that I am trying to work on, myself -- a lot of bad habits I'm trying to break -- in order to improve how I communicate and react to things. I am optimistic that we can get through these difficult times, especially since we managed to survive two years living across the sea from each other.
5) I am improving my relationship with my mother, as I described last week.
6) I am learning to become more in tune with myself and my insecurities. I am realizing who I am, and I am continuing to develop a greater sense of self-awareness while moving forward in my professional development. I am learning what really makes me tick and feel uneasy. I am also learning what brings me peace -- that is, solitude, connecting with individuals, volunteering, reading the book Quiet, and drinking coconut pouchong at Green Bean Cofeehouse.
1) I enjoy truly being myself, doing work that comes naturally, and smiling with people. Yesterday I was teaching the lower-level ESL students at Refugee Women's Alliance, and I found myself laughing with them over the silliest things. I think that I'm really starting to develop a bond with these students (who, by the way, are all 40+ years-old), and I genuinely look forward to Wednesdays for this reason.
2) I've met a lot of genuinely nice people.
- One of my fellow volunteers at ReWA is a middle-aged woman named Kathleen whom I connect with on a very personal level. She has a very diversified career and was doing very well, but then she decided to leave her job, move to Seattle, and is now hoping to find work the social services sector. Unfortunately, the job market has proven more difficult than she anticipated, and she been job-searching for two years. After volunteering yesterday, we had lunch togther at Inay's, a Filipino restaurant, and I watched, stunned, as she scooped a whole spoonful of bagoong (shrimp paste) into her pinakbet (squash+bittermelon stew). When she dropped me off at Uptown Coffee, she said she really enjoys talking with me. "It's nice not to feel invisible."
- At Inay's I also met the cashier, a lovely young Filipina who told me about her hometown of Tacloban, one of the main areas devastated by super typhoon Yolanda last year. She apparently visited her hometown two days after the typhoon. I asked her what it was like, and she described to me how surreal it was to walk down a street and see all these dead bodies along the side of the road.
- I met two amazing people at a Beacon Food Forest meet-up that never actually took place. One of them is a really out-going Asian-American named Jon who knows a lot about permaculture. The other is Gabriela, a really friendly yoga-loving girl from Chile, who is job-searching and trying to start an online furniture business with her friend back home.
- The Thursday meditation sessions have a bunch of lovely regulars, among them a really peace-driven couple who just moved to the area, and a super talkative lady who is about to get married in Hawaii.
3) I can get excited about job interviews for causes I never thought I'd be able to support. In a few hours I will be meeting a guy at a cafe to discuss a non-profit position I applied for about a week ago. It's actually the one I wrote about in this entry. Wish me luck!! I am hoping that it will allow me to network and grow as a leader. I am also hoping it will provide me with the inspiration and clarity I need to write my Statement of Purpose for grad school.
4) I have been learning to live with Mitch again, falling more in love with him every day. There are definitely moments where I become stressed about our future, particularly during those emotional breakdowns. But we both are really trying to communicate openly and stay in tune with one another. There's a lot that I am trying to work on, myself -- a lot of bad habits I'm trying to break -- in order to improve how I communicate and react to things. I am optimistic that we can get through these difficult times, especially since we managed to survive two years living across the sea from each other.
5) I am improving my relationship with my mother, as I described last week.
6) I am learning to become more in tune with myself and my insecurities. I am realizing who I am, and I am continuing to develop a greater sense of self-awareness while moving forward in my professional development. I am learning what really makes me tick and feel uneasy. I am also learning what brings me peace -- that is, solitude, connecting with individuals, volunteering, reading the book Quiet, and drinking coconut pouchong at Green Bean Cofeehouse.
Monday, October 13, 2014
Cover Letter woes
In a classic move that I'm sure never to forget, I wrote the wrong company name -- twice -- in a cover letter.
The Compassionate One in me is giggling and telling me that it's an honest mistake. Since I was helping a friend earlier by editing her generic cover letter, which btw says "Company" (as a filler) all over the place, it's no surprise I made this error.
The hilarious things that I spent a paragraph talking about my awesome project management skills, which relies on "my ability to manage multiple priorities and deadlines, paying close attention to the details in the process." WHAT IRONY!
The Compassionate One in me is giggling and telling me that it's an honest mistake. Since I was helping a friend earlier by editing her generic cover letter, which btw says "Company" (as a filler) all over the place, it's no surprise I made this error.
The hilarious things that I spent a paragraph talking about my awesome project management skills, which relies on "my ability to manage multiple priorities and deadlines, paying close attention to the details in the process." WHAT IRONY!
Sunday, October 12, 2014
books books books
I am becoming more and more aware of the social anxiety and depression I feel around Mitch and some of his new friends. Two books are enlightening me to my conflict, and they are:
Quiet: the Power of Introverts in a World that Can't Stop Talking by Susan Cain
and
Self-Esteem by Patrick Fanning and Matthew McKay
Quiet: the Power of Introverts in a World that Can't Stop Talking by Susan Cain
and
Self-Esteem by Patrick Fanning and Matthew McKay
Friday, October 10, 2014
The Critic's Voice
I applied for a job this afternoon, and in reviewing my cover letter, Mitch thought to reassure me by saying,
"you might be overqualified for what they're looking for
looks like they're after a highschooler or something
but i think what you wrote was good"
When I told Mitch how bad I felt at the thought that I was applying for a highschooler position, he was immediately apologetic, saying it came out wrong. That he didn't mean it in a bad way. But it was too late, the Critic went off in my head again.
Here you are again, 28, applying for an ultra entry-level job that a high-schooler could do, what is wrong with you? What happened to your career? And you're getting married next year? What, so you can live off your husband?
I am reading a book now about self-esteem and silencing that Critic -- the one who tears you down and calls you lazy, stupid, a failure, anything to make you feel inadequate and less than you really are. In recognizing that we have an inner Critic, we can learn to ignore it, deem it irrational, somebody separate from ourselves that tends to exaggerate. We can then listen to the voice of reason, the compassionate voice that understands our unique predicaments without tearing ourselves. It encourages to be okay with who we are.
So, what does the compassionate one tell me?
Look at you! With your free time, you have been keeping busy meeting new friends, teaching ESL to adult refugees, planning a wedding -- WHICH IS NEVER EASY -- and learning that in order to go after something better, sometimes you need to reach a low. Don't listen to the Critic. Applying to this job is a good thing, a brave thing. Rather than sit on your ass and do nothing, you are willing to try and be involved in a project that could shape the future of Seattle. It will allow you to network, to meet like-minded people, and to learn so many new things about what is going in this city. It's admirable. This is better than Boeing. You should congratulate yourself for not taking the easy way out.
"you might be overqualified for what they're looking for
looks like they're after a highschooler or something
but i think what you wrote was good"
When I told Mitch how bad I felt at the thought that I was applying for a highschooler position, he was immediately apologetic, saying it came out wrong. That he didn't mean it in a bad way. But it was too late, the Critic went off in my head again.
Here you are again, 28, applying for an ultra entry-level job that a high-schooler could do, what is wrong with you? What happened to your career? And you're getting married next year? What, so you can live off your husband?
I am reading a book now about self-esteem and silencing that Critic -- the one who tears you down and calls you lazy, stupid, a failure, anything to make you feel inadequate and less than you really are. In recognizing that we have an inner Critic, we can learn to ignore it, deem it irrational, somebody separate from ourselves that tends to exaggerate. We can then listen to the voice of reason, the compassionate voice that understands our unique predicaments without tearing ourselves. It encourages to be okay with who we are.
So, what does the compassionate one tell me?
Look at you! With your free time, you have been keeping busy meeting new friends, teaching ESL to adult refugees, planning a wedding -- WHICH IS NEVER EASY -- and learning that in order to go after something better, sometimes you need to reach a low. Don't listen to the Critic. Applying to this job is a good thing, a brave thing. Rather than sit on your ass and do nothing, you are willing to try and be involved in a project that could shape the future of Seattle. It will allow you to network, to meet like-minded people, and to learn so many new things about what is going in this city. It's admirable. This is better than Boeing. You should congratulate yourself for not taking the easy way out.
Thursday, October 9, 2014
Yesterday's entry
My ESL students at ReWA today were grouped together as "special needs" students. I was instructed to teach with the use of magnetic letters, five letters prompted each time. It was certainly a challenging task, beyond my previous teaching experience. Going from "A" to "B" back to "A" sometimes proved difficult, and it makes me wonder exactly how much progress these students have made after being there for several months. My goal for next week is to get their story... hopefully I can determine, eventually, the most effective way to teach them.
It felt good, and it felt happy, to bond with my fellow volunteer, Kathleen. She is a 50+ year old woman, who, like me, is experiencing a career shift and is thus currently unemployed. I am glad to meet people like her who can help validate, or at the very least support, decisions I've made. Unlike my dad who is pointing me towards analyst jobs (which I have no experience in, and not to mention NO interest in doing), people like Kathleen remind me that I really ought to be pursuing what I think is a good fit for me, professionally, and that I ought not to apologize to anyone -- not even my parents.
It felt good, and it felt happy, to bond with my fellow volunteer, Kathleen. She is a 50+ year old woman, who, like me, is experiencing a career shift and is thus currently unemployed. I am glad to meet people like her who can help validate, or at the very least support, decisions I've made. Unlike my dad who is pointing me towards analyst jobs (which I have no experience in, and not to mention NO interest in doing), people like Kathleen remind me that I really ought to be pursuing what I think is a good fit for me, professionally, and that I ought not to apologize to anyone -- not even my parents.
Monday, October 6, 2014
Beer Weekend and Wedding Planning
The past weekend was the most beer I've consumed since coming back. Friday was Elysian's pumpkin beer festival, and we attended with Jamie (Mitch's sousaphone friend) and his lady friend Jessica. Jessica is a lovely Burlesque dancer, extremely open to new people and seems really genuine about wanting to be friends. Mitch's brass band D20 will be playing at a Burlesque show in a few days, and I think she'll be there too.
The next night, I spent time at the Elysian Brewery in Capitol Hill with my favorite gay couple in Seattle, Danny and Brian. They are some of the most professionally-minded and homey individuals I know, so I was really glad to hear their support about what I'm doing now. It's the kind of support that also helps to keep me mentally grounded in my goals.
Small successes: this morning I got around to booking a date for my GRE exam, November 17th, and an appointment for my annual physical, October 14.
And some great news, my mom and I have finally bridged the communication barrier regarding my wedding. Long story short, since I haven't mentioned it yet -- my mother really wants me to have a Catholic ceremony. But complications exist since a) I'm an atheist, b) Mitch is an atheist, and c) while I would really love to make my mom happy by getting married in a Catholic church, the promises that Mitch and I would have to make are not desirable. We would have to promise to raise our children Catholic, and that's not something we are prepared to do.
To seek external support, I emailed my mother's best friend Tita Mila -- who is a very liberal-minded Catholic -- and her response was extremely positive.
I'm still trying to figure out how to properly respond to her concerns in that text message above. In any case, I'm so glad that she is now doing well health-wise and that the pain has gone away.
The next night, I spent time at the Elysian Brewery in Capitol Hill with my favorite gay couple in Seattle, Danny and Brian. They are some of the most professionally-minded and homey individuals I know, so I was really glad to hear their support about what I'm doing now. It's the kind of support that also helps to keep me mentally grounded in my goals.
Small successes: this morning I got around to booking a date for my GRE exam, November 17th, and an appointment for my annual physical, October 14.
And some great news, my mom and I have finally bridged the communication barrier regarding my wedding. Long story short, since I haven't mentioned it yet -- my mother really wants me to have a Catholic ceremony. But complications exist since a) I'm an atheist, b) Mitch is an atheist, and c) while I would really love to make my mom happy by getting married in a Catholic church, the promises that Mitch and I would have to make are not desirable. We would have to promise to raise our children Catholic, and that's not something we are prepared to do.
To seek external support, I emailed my mother's best friend Tita Mila -- who is a very liberal-minded Catholic -- and her response was extremely positive.
"I truly and honestly believe that you should have the kind of wedding you and Mitch want! You must not waver in your desire to make it happen. Incorporating the unique practices and traditions from both religions and cultures is a wonderful idea. Besides, aren't Catholics and Lutherans more alike than different? Do you really think your parents will have a problem with a non-religious ceremony? I am confident that they will respect your wishes -- I know because I remember the time when your mom shared with me her concerns, and outright disapproval of Aries and Karen's relationship. She came around, didn't she? Ultimately, we, parents realize (albeit slowly...because we are old) that we need to let go, and let our children live their lives. Our job is done!I believe this moral support, which I later forwarded to my mother, really helped in getting my mom on board, at least to some extent. While she still sees herself as a failure -- and I quote,
"The bigger reality that makes me sad is that I am a failure as a Mother for not being able to share/impart my belief that there is a God, (indeed not a Catholic God), but just God... One reason I did not mention right away when I had a pain in my skull is because the first thing I was going to ask from you was to pray that I will get better but I thought, how will I ask you since you already told me you don't believe there is a God..."-- she has, for the most part, come around, has promised to attend my wedding, and is now giving me all sorts of advice, realizing that I only have eight months to plan this wedding. My heart is happy, although tired.
I'm still trying to figure out how to properly respond to her concerns in that text message above. In any case, I'm so glad that she is now doing well health-wise and that the pain has gone away.
Thursday, October 2, 2014
A Low Point in my Return
So this is it. This is a low.
I am observing it and this is what I feel:
-frustration
-helplessness
-jealousy
-ignorance
-culture shock
-pathetic
-not included
The good news is I saw those friendly faces again at that house on 58th street, and that I made it through a GRE practice test, finally. The good news is that I have a place to stay tonight and that I had delicious chili for breakfast, lunch, and dinner. The good news is that coconut pouchong tea is one of the best I've ever had the privilege of trying. That I have a bike. That my family is safe. That I am safe, and that there is someone who loves me.
But this is how I feel, and tears are welling up in my eyes. I can't seem to come to terms with these feelings, no matter how much I meditate on them. I notice them, they're there, and I am having a hard time.
Total time meditated today: 50 minutes.
I am observing it and this is what I feel:
-frustration
-helplessness
-jealousy
-ignorance
-culture shock
-pathetic
-not included
The good news is I saw those friendly faces again at that house on 58th street, and that I made it through a GRE practice test, finally. The good news is that I have a place to stay tonight and that I had delicious chili for breakfast, lunch, and dinner. The good news is that coconut pouchong tea is one of the best I've ever had the privilege of trying. That I have a bike. That my family is safe. That I am safe, and that there is someone who loves me.
But this is how I feel, and tears are welling up in my eyes. I can't seem to come to terms with these feelings, no matter how much I meditate on them. I notice them, they're there, and I am having a hard time.
Total time meditated today: 50 minutes.
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