Despite these moments of uncertainty that I have blogging about lately, there is still much to grateful for. I realized this as I was walking over to Green Bean this morning, reflecting on my previous day. I started making a list in my head of what makes me feel fulfilled, and I'd like to write these down to appreciate this moment of clarity and to remind myself that there is more to life than my anxieties.
1) I enjoy truly being myself, doing work that comes naturally, and smiling with people. Yesterday I was teaching the lower-level ESL students at Refugee Women's Alliance, and I found myself laughing with them over the silliest things. I think that I'm really starting to develop a bond with these students (who, by the way, are all 40+ years-old), and I genuinely look forward to Wednesdays for this reason.
2) I've met a lot of genuinely nice people.
- One of my fellow volunteers at ReWA is a middle-aged woman named Kathleen whom I connect with on a very personal level. She has a very diversified career and was doing very well, but then she decided to leave her job, move to Seattle, and is now hoping to find work the social services sector. Unfortunately, the job market has proven more difficult than she anticipated, and she been job-searching for two years. After volunteering yesterday, we had lunch togther at Inay's, a Filipino restaurant, and I watched, stunned, as she scooped a whole spoonful of bagoong (shrimp paste) into her pinakbet (squash+bittermelon stew). When she dropped me off at Uptown Coffee, she said she really enjoys talking with me. "It's nice not to feel invisible."
- At Inay's I also met the cashier, a lovely young Filipina who told me about her hometown of Tacloban, one of the main areas devastated by super typhoon Yolanda last year. She apparently visited her hometown two days after the typhoon. I asked her what it was like, and she described to me how surreal it was to walk down a street and see all these dead bodies along the side of the road.
- I met two amazing people at a Beacon Food Forest meet-up that never actually took place. One of them is a really out-going Asian-American named Jon who knows a lot about permaculture. The other is Gabriela, a really friendly yoga-loving girl from Chile, who is job-searching and trying to start an online furniture business with her friend back home.
- The Thursday meditation sessions have a bunch of lovely regulars, among them a really peace-driven couple who just moved to the area, and a super talkative lady who is about to get married in Hawaii.
3) I can get excited about job interviews for causes I never thought I'd be able to support. In a few hours I will be meeting a guy at a cafe to discuss a non-profit position I applied for about a week ago. It's actually the one I wrote about in this entry. Wish me luck!! I am hoping that it will allow me to network and grow as a leader. I am also hoping it will provide me with the inspiration and clarity I need to write my Statement of Purpose for grad school.
4) I have been learning to live with Mitch again, falling more in love with him every day. There are definitely moments where I become stressed about our future, particularly during those emotional breakdowns. But we both are really trying to communicate openly and stay in tune with one another. There's a lot that I am trying to work on, myself -- a lot of bad habits I'm trying to break -- in order to improve how I communicate and react to things. I am optimistic that we can get through these difficult times, especially since we managed to survive two years living across the sea from each other.
5) I am improving my relationship with my mother, as I described last week.
6) I am learning to become more in tune with myself and my insecurities. I am realizing who I am, and I am continuing to develop a greater sense of self-awareness while moving forward in my professional development. I am learning what really makes me tick and feel uneasy. I am also learning what brings me peace -- that is, solitude, connecting with individuals, volunteering, reading the book Quiet, and drinking coconut pouchong at Green Bean Cofeehouse.
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